I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
