is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they're like a gay fantastic four
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
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