He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
