You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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