i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
