I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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