drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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