why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
