Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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