Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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