Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
People in love make me want to vomit
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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