I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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