Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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