shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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