I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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