If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Randomize
