My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
