A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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