why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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