Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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