It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
