You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize