There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
