The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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