I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
