talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
