your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
