WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
