I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
