You're completely useless in the revolution.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
