Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
