i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
