Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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