yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
