I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
