I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
