im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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