I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
