She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have aggressive nipples.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
