This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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