her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
