He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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