i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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