I feel like I'm in dance class right now
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
