Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
