Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
