he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
