how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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