We're facebook friends in real life
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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