I think my vagina is haunted
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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