Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
