I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
