you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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