Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
