dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
