I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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