Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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