I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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