Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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