Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
