I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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