we're blogging at a bar
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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