the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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