does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
