You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize