I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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