i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize