Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i now understand why vodka
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
