I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
