Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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