Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize