What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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