WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
