If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize